The First Story Ever Written

Morning Mortals!

Buried for over 2,000 years in the library of an Ancient Mesopotamian king was this small stone tablet:

And on it, is inscribed, perhaps the first story ever written!

Its name?

Here’s the short version:

Basically, a long time ago, there was this goddess lady called Aruru .

Who looked like this:

Holy moly…

Anyway, Aruru created literally the most EPIC MAN OF ALL TIME.

An absolute unit called Gilgamesh.

He was two-thirds god and one-third man.

Now, Gilgamesh was so incredibly powerful that he casually took over the entire city of Uruk.

And he ruled it with an iron fist.

Forcing all men into hard labor and sleeping with any woman he fancied.

No one can stop him and the people cry out to Goddess Aruru to save them.

And she was like:

So she makes another absolute unit of a man called Enkidu.

Enkidu learns of Gilgamesh’s tyranny, marches into the city of Uruk, and starts to battle him.

Eventually, however, Enkidu loses.

But because they are both super strong buff dudes, they become best bros.

Now that they are both besties, they do what all besties do together. They decide to go on a long, perilous journey to kill this monstrous demigod called Humbaba.

They totally kill the dude.

And they killed him so hard the LITERAL GODDESS OF LOVE appears in front of Gilgamesh and is like:

And Gilgamesh is like:

This makes the goddess of love super mad.

So, with the help of some of the other Mesopotamian Gods she sends down a divine bull to destroy the city of Uruk and kill Gilgamesh and Enkidu.

But then Gilgamesh and Enkidu kill the bull.

This made the other gods SUPER mega mad.

So, to punish Gilgamesh, they gave Enkidu a terrible illness that quickly killed him.

Gilgamesh gets super sad, because they killed his bestest friend in the whole wide world.

And he starts to become obsessed with the idea of immortality.

He finds this mysterious guy who tells him about a plant that can keep him from dying.

But as soon as Gilgamesh finds it,

a snake eats it right in front of him.

So, Gilgamesh goes back to the mysterious guy and tells him what happened.

The guy is like:

Gilgamesh heads back to his city with a transformed perspective.

He embraces life and focuses instead on the city's well-being.

Ruling Uruk as a righteous king for 126 years before he, too, died.

RIP

Stay Cute,
Reece, Henry & Dylan 🌈

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