How To Become Pope

Morning Catholics!

So you want to become Pope?

Head of the Catholic church, Bishop of Rome and tyrannical ruler of the Vatican!

Plus, you also get a sick ass Pope-mobile.

But how does one… become Pope?

Well, to start off you need 2, realistically 3, things:

• Be a Catholic
• Be a man
• Be a Cardinal

What's a Cardinal? Well, a Cardinal is like a bishop but they also vote who becomes Pope.

But to become a Cardinal and then to become Pope you gotta work your way up the Catholic career ladder.

Starting right at the bottom.

Step 1: Become a Priest

Unfortunately, you can’t just become a priest, though.

Unlike some churches where you can easily fill out an online form and tada now you're a priest, the Catholics have some stricter requirements.

Ideally, you will need a Degree in Catholic Philosophy.

And then a Masters Degree in Divinity.

(Yes, this is actually a thing)

You also must be:

• A man
• Unmarried
• Never had sexy times

Alright now you have the chance at becoming a priest, nice job!

What does that mean for you?

Well, it means you get to run your own Catholic church of course, or work beside someone who does…

The next step? You gotta become your boss…

Step 2: Become a Bishop

This is probably harder than you think, however.

See, there are like 400,000 Catholic priests in the world.

But only like 5000 Catholic Bishops.

But to become Bishop from a Priest, there's A TON you gotta get through.

First you gotta wait for an existing Bishop to die/retire.

There's also already a secret list of potential new Bishops that's held by the current Bishops.

To be on that list, you need to be 35 years old, a priest for at least 5 years and have a doctorate in theology or equivalent.

Even if you have all these things, you may or may not be on that list.

The list is then examined priest by priest, by your country's Catholic Representative, and sent off to Bishops at the Vatican who can say yes or no.

If they say yes, it goes up to the Pope, and if the Pope says yes, tada, now you're a Bishop!

If any of those people say no though this whole process gets reset.

Easy right?

Step 3: Become a Cardinal

Cardinals are basically just fancy Bishops with red clothes and extra responsibilities.

The only way to become a Cardinal is to get the current Pope to make you one.

And of the 5000 Catholic Bishops, only 200 of them are Cardinals.

But let's say you get lucky. The Pope likes you and grants you Cardinaldom.

What next?

Step 3: The waiting game

And now… you wait. For the pope to die/resign. Most likely die though.

Because when the Pope dies, all Cardinals under the age of 80 are brought to the Vatican where they get stuffed in a room and are made to decide who becomes the next Pope.

They usually vote for themselves but technically they could vote for any catholic joe.

Now to actually become Pope, you must get a 2/3rds majority.

The issue is? The voting is super SLOW.

Each Cardinal has to write down one name on a piece of paper.

Then they have to say a long Latin phrase…

And THEN they cast the ballot.

Once every single Cardinal has done that, they then count up the ballots and the papers are burned. Releasing a puff of black smoke out of a chimney that tons of cameras watch.

But because you need 2/3rds of the votes to win, this usually takes A LOOOOONG TIME.

Usually like 2 weeks, but on odd occasions it has taken YEARS.

Now, assuming you somehow do actually manage to win, you have one last step.

Don’t worry, it won't take long.

Step 4: Pick yourself a new Pope name

See, Popes generally don’t use their birth name.

Traditionally, they take a name from a previous Pope, which means you end up with a lot of Johns and Benedicts and such.

Upon the acceptance of your new name, the final ballots are burned clean. Making the smoke from the chimney turn white.

Officially telling the world a new Pope has been chosen.

And yeah… now you’re pope!

Stay Cute,
Reece, Henry & Dylan 🌈

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