💞 The Scientific Way to Marry

Hey ya incel!

If you’re single after 25, Thanksgiving starts to look like this:

Society wants you to have kids.

But you’re smart – you’re not just gonna go out in the street and marry the first stranger to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

You want to find the ~ONE~.

Because you know they’re important. I mean look at this graph of who you spend time with:

Bad at math?

Lemme break it down for you.

After age 25, your friends and family don’t matter – sorry, Mom.

The only people that matter are your:

1. Coworkers
2. Partner

Because you spend:

65,000 HOURS TOGETHER.

So locking down the right ~one~ is priority #1.

But the stats are brutal…nearly 50% of American marriages end in divorce.

That’s because we think marriage is about the highs.

• The honeymoon in the Maldives.
• The safari in the Serengeti.
• The cruise in the Galápagos.

Nope.

Marriage is the 7,682nd dinner in your kitchen.

Ya, marriage isn’t about the highs – it’s about the lows.

The 20,000 mundane Monday meals just like this.

So now you’re at a pivotal point.

Your future could like like either of these:

So basically:

1. Heaven – you live a magical life together for 60 years
2. Hell – you end up sad, old, and fat…and poor if you’re extra lucky ;)

Oh, and I forgot…

This also affects the future of your kids – and all their future offspring.

So how do we get it right?

No.

Jenny’s an idiot – don’t do that.

See if you’re trying to marry the ONE, it’s probably not the first one.

But then which one is it?

Enter Merrill Flood.

WTF, why’d you put him upside down?

Thx.

Merrill is a mathematical horndog from 1949 who solved this puzzle – called the Fiancée Problem.

(He also created the Prisoner’s Dilemma – he’s a Smart Nonsense Hall of Famer)

Now, the Fiancée Problem is simple.

Let’s say you might date 100 people.

Fuck boi Brad.

Nerdy Ned.

Jock Jeff.

Stoner Steve.

…and 96 more

But after you reject one, you can’t go back.

So when do you say “YES” and stop looking?

Well, first you need a sample to know what’s out there.

But how big of a sample?

Meaning if you’d date 100 guys, you won’t marry any of the first 37.

That’s your hot girl summer phase.

Then you take the best relationship you had and marry him.

Just kidding.

You can’t marry Ned.

You marry the NEXT guy as good or better than him.

This gives you the best mathematical chance of marrying the best person out of the 100.

(FYI ironically there’s only a 37% chance they’re the absolute best person – aka THE one. But that’s still better than any other method.)

Now, you might have 2 questions:

Well, here’s the problem.

In terms of people you’d date in your life, you don’t know the exact NUMBER.

But what do you know?

TIME.

Aka the time you wanna be on the dating market.

Okay, so let’s apply the 37%.

If you’re dating since 18, 37% means sampling until 23, then marry the next best suitor.

If you’re a guy, you’re usually cool waiting until like 40, so you can be a fuckboi until 26.

Now, marry responsibly ;)

Crush Ass,
Dylan & Henry 🌈

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